Out of The Swamp

Sometimes, the only way back on track is through a bog! 

Indeed, my recent walk with a congregation of Evangelical Fundamentalists has felt more like wading in a stagnant swamp, my ankles being occasionally snagged by clinging weeds. 

Or, if not a swamp, perhaps a kind of Dead Sea, then, where streams of living water drain into it and suffocate to death. People move about in it, sing songs, praise God, even pray extemporarily; but it is only the density of the toxic water that keeps them afloat.

Fortunately, although I was only there five Sundays in a row (FIVE!) this last one was my last one, thanks be to God. I admit there were many who had loving intentions and were kind and welcoming to me. But, overall, my time there was very distressing, and deeply concerning. It was such a long time since I had mingled in such shallow Christianist circles, but I had hoped that some of the wonderful recovery theology now available might have had some detoxifying influence. But, very sadly, no, I was not to hear the true Gospel preached, nor see its manifestation, in any sense, of depth of spirituality or genuinely functioning faith.

You may recall in an earlier post, when I mentioned I felt, counter-intuitively, led to walk some way with that congregation (not without my asking Papa, “Seriously?”); that perhaps it was for a season of refreshment in loving fellowship, where some of my wounds might be healed. All I felt assured of was that I could trust the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit – and, yes, They knew what they were doing! 

I must declare, too, that this “church” has a “past,” and a history that I knew about, and which only added to my surprise and apprehension at being urged to attend their meetings in the shiny, new building that they had had purpose-built for them in a converted social club. 

Anyway, my ordeal is over. The way I realised this was through the sermon the pastor preached last Sunday! It was, to my hearing ears, a very clear warning of the danger I would be in if I chose to stay and tried to share the Gospel and the glorious Good News of our reconciliation, our freedom from sin, our forever security in the love of God and the emptiness of “hell”. You can imagine, I think, how a challenge - at any level - to the received and assumed fundamentalist doctrines and dogmas would be met with force!

Continuing a ten-week series from the book of Ezra, this week’s sermon was from Ezra 4. Obviously, the focus of the sermons has been on how they, as God’s people, are called to rebuild the true church from the foundations up. (Sidebar: there was a notice at the doorway to the auditorium warning that only those who had “repented of their sin and accepted Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Saviour” could partake of Communion!)  Anyway, the Israelites must stand their ground, root out all sin and ungodliness (as epitomised by the mixed marriages of many of them with women from the surrounding tribes: most wickedly, the Moabites and the Amorites) and resist the enemy’s (local residents!) opposition to their building. The key verses are: The enemies of Judah and Benjamin heard that the exiles were rebuilding a Temple to the LORD, the God of Israel. So, they approached Zerubbabel and the other leaders and said, “Let us build with you, for we worship your God just as you do. We have sacrificed to Him ever since King Esarhaddon of Assyria brought us here…” But Zerubbabel, Jeshua, and the other leaders of Israel replied, “You may have no part in this work. We alone will build the Temple for the LORD, the God of Israel, just as King Cyrus of Persia commanded us.”

It had, indeed, been a habit of the Assyrians to relocate other captured and exiled nations in Israel. They may have worshipped Yahweh in some way and in accordance with local custom; or they continued the worship of their own gods. Ezra’s point was that only true descendants of Israel (i.e. of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob) were permitted to work on the rebuilding of the Temple and city of Jerusalem.

I am sure you can see where this was going! Waving his Bible in the air (again!) the pastor warned that only true, Bible-believing Christians can build God’s church according to the word of God, “given in this book!” That they could not work with “others” (no specifics given) and that, what was more, anyone coming to “help” them, would introduce deceiving and contradictory doctrines and seek to undermine the Lord’s work, which they were exclusively called to do. These interlopers (“wolves in sheep’s clothing” – I kid you not) would be told, in no uncertain terms, to leave. “Some like this,” the pastor affirmed, “had been advised in the past to go elsewhere, as they would not be comfortable with us.”

This was clearly my cue to leave quietly and without even letting on that I had heard what was truly being said: even a dear friend who goes back decades, but who now attends this assembly, could not be a reason to stay. So, with a mixture of sadness for them, but relief for myself, I no longer need to be a part of that, Temple-building project. (I had overheard comments of approval – some had even been taking notes! – and one woman, whose only complaint was that there had been no mention of hell!)

St Peter's Church, Sheringham

It now looks as though I am re-joining a fragile group of Wayfarers at the local Anglican congregation. I had been on a path of exploring lay ministry with them, for some time  previously, and which got interrupted by personal and professional matters, followed by a time of solitude. And then these bizarre few weeks in Evangelical Fundamentalism! 

My journey to find (or found?) an organic church continues, then. In the meantime, I am returning to the liturgical safety and gentleness of the Church of England. I felt happy and at home there before, even if frustrated by the lack of people-priesthood and the C of E’s general risk aversion to letting the Holy Spirit have Her way. The congregation is small and very, very old. They are, literally, dying off, and there are no young families, adolescents, professional couples or, of course, children. This is quite a challenge – which I am, strangely but serenely, looking forward to.

I leave you, for now, with this deeply encouraging thought from my dear friend and brother, Henri Nouwen: “The way to ‘victory’ is not in trying to overcome your dispiriting emotions directly but in building a deeper sense of safety and at-homeness and a more incarnate knowledge that you are deeply loved. Then, little by little, you will stop giving so much power to strangers. 

   Do not be discouraged. Be sure that God will truly fulfil all your needs. Keep remembering that. It will help you not to expect that fulfilment from people who you already know are incapable of giving it.” (From “Befriend Your Emotions” in The Inner Voice of Love – Henri Nouwen, Doubleday, 1996 My emphasis)